Snake Tracker

I interrupt my trail rides to give you some deeper insight into the true person I am.  I have, along with many other undiagnosed issues, a phobia.  Snakes.

Yep, I'm the girl who does the chicken dance, running around, hopping up and down while flapping my arms and screaming like a little girl when I see a snake.  I pick my feet up in the truck when I drive over one and then look in the rear view mirror to make sure it is still in the road and has not managed to jump up and grab ahold of the bottom of my truck as I drove over it so it can later attack me when I stop and get out.  You could put me in the ring at Ada, Okla. during the bullfighting championships and I would last longer there, than in a 1000 foot pen with a 6 inch grass snake.  I'll share with you just a few of my many encounters with the little bastards.  There have been many - they seek me out because they know I can't stand them (kind of like stupid men, lol).

High School
I was mowing the lawn, minding my own business, screaming a song coming from my walk-man (I'm sure it was probably 90's Garth Brooks).  Before I could stop the mower, I was right on top of a ginormous black snake.  He had to be at least 2 foot long!  As I bail off the mower, still in gear, I end up about 15 feet from the snake.  To my horror, there is very little damage done to it and it's still moving about.  I run for my life to may dad at the barn.  Between gaps I tell dad what has just happened in a language he cannot begin to understand.  Shaking his head, he walks beside me back to the crime scene.  Looks at the snake and at this point chuckling to himself, puts an end to the snakes misery.  I continued mowing and my heart rate returned to normal with a spike every now and again at the sight of every twig I approached.

Summer Shipping
I don't remember this story because I think I blacked out in self-defense.  But, my dad has NO problem telling it... We were shipping cattle for Shane Hier who lives a bit from our house.  So, we always book at least 2 or 3 days in a row and just stay over to save on driving and fuel.  One afternoon when the work had ended, Shane, Dad and myself hop in the truck to head to town.  On our way we come across a huge rattle snake sunning in the road.  Shane thinks it would be a good idea to stop and 'check him out.'  I catch on to his plan and before he has a chance to open the door, I commence to beating the crap out of his left arm, screaming profanities and threatening his precious life if he even tries to get that snake.  Dad always ends the story by saying Shane has been scared of me ever since!

College
During a semester at OSU I lived in a little house about 20 miles north of town.  On approach through the mud room to the back door, I notice what looks like a tail sticking out from a hole.  I get really close and then it hits me... the light bulb has lit in my head and I am about 6 inches from the ass-end of a black snake.  I freeze, heart stopped, breath held and as quietly as I can, back away and jump back into my truck and lock the door.  Obviously this snake has deliberately blocked me from my house so I am sure he could open my truck door as well!  I call my friend Angie, she drives 20 miles out to my house, to show me the snake has already left, gets back in her truck and drives the 20 miles back to Stillwater, still laughing her ass off - and reminds me of this story every time I see her :)  THAT is a friend!

Cat's Snake
One nice day, I propped the door open to my house to let the fresh breeze in.  As I walk into the living room, I greet my cat.  She has her back to me and when she hears my voice turns to greet me back.  In her mouth is a grass snake.  I yell, scream, jump and cuss.  From on top of the back of the couch I am yelling at my cat to take the damn thing outside.  She is not understand me.  She begins playing with the snake, which is still alive.  When the snake stops moving, what does my cat do???  She drops it on the floor, bored it is not 'playing' with her anymore and walks back outside-me yelling behind her to "come back in this house right now and get this thing!"

Bull Snake
Driving along, dad in the passenger seat and my three kids in tow.  We drive up on a really big bull snake.  Dad convinces me to stop the car so he can get a better look.  The snake goes to the ditch and what does dad do?... he goes after it, grabs it by the tail and drags it out of the grass for my kids to get a better look.  As this is unfolding, I am wrestling with my 3 year old as she is reaching for the window to roll it down and get a closer look as I am trying to keep her from doing so while simultaneously trying to crawl over the console to the other side of the vehicle and SHE is winning!

Dad and the 4 1/2 foot bull snake... he let GO!



Snake Tracker
Outside helping clean up the yard, my kids come screaming around the corner from the back yard.  "Mommy there's a snake!"  I put my brave mom pants on and follow them to the scene, praying it is anything but a snake.  NOPE, it's no less than a baby rattle snake.  I send the kids to go get grandpa.  While they tear out across the yard to the barn, I follow the snake around until dad can make it to the rescue.  It tries to go under the house, up a tree, in the ground so I grab about an 18 foot long branch and battle it out with the fierce monster.  I think my dad brags on me more about that now than anything - the day my mama cow came out to protect his grandbabies.  That day - the day I became the great snake tracker - I like to think I redeemed 1/2 an ounce of the dignity I lost in all the stories above :)

match.com

Oh yes, yes I did!  The secret club everyone is in but is too embarrassed to admit it!  Through match I did find Trail Ride #4.  He will receive his own full blog - he earned it!!  But, in the process of match.com this is what I found... an old high school buddy, a player from the Hebb Rodeo's, a really great guy - in NORTH DAKOTA, a 68 year old man with full-body tattoos, a repeat of TR3 and the husband to a friend of mine... yes EVERYONE is on match.com!

He looked absolutely nothing like this, lmao

Two things that may top my match.com experience:  the convenience store guy and the facebook instant messenger...  Convenience man's smooth move was to inappropriately come up behind me, as I was getting my soda, and slip a note in my back pocket with his name and number written on it.  Really?  And if you are wondering... NO, I did not call him, lol!  Mr facebook requested to be my friend.  I naively thought I recognized him from back in the days of the Hebb Rodeo's and added him.  A few nights later I get an instant message from him.  It says no more than, "ur hot as hell".  If I would of been drinking, this would have been the point where I spit whatever it was all over my computer screen.  I was in complete shock.  So my brilliant response was, "um thanks."  Now I don't know about all the other ladies out there, but that is NOT the pick-up line to make this cowgirl swoon.

Nattyator Revisited

I have been called out.  There is a funny story from Nattyator (TR2).  I however, had decided to store it as far back in my head as possible.  But, now that all the details have come back to me, I feel it only fair to share it with you!  This, I'm sure, will be the most humiliating story I ever post... about myself :)

We had a lovely evening.  Nattyator cooked at his place, we watched a movie and ended the night with what can only be described as a high school make-out session.  Next morning, I am getting ready for work at my house.  I head to the bathroom and out of the corner of my eye in the mirror, something catches my eye.  I look again and then for the next three minutes stare into the mirror mumbling to myself in complete disbelief of what I see.  Yep!  At the age of 29, I had my first hickey!  A text message immediately goes out to Nattyator with threats on his life, family and dog!  His response - laughing at me for the next 5 days!... no, he is still laughing at me!

How I went to work for the week!

Best part of the story... this is the first picture his family saw of me on facebook.  It was so funny, I had to put it as my profile picture.  So those of you who commented on facebook... now you know:  the rest of the story.  Nothing like his sisters thinking their brother was dating Hannibal Lecter!  That, and his profile picture was one of my butt- just to tick me off!  He swears nobody knew who's it was - ya right!  Gotta love them cowgirl butts!

Trail Ride #3

If you can count to 3, (which if you are following my blog I may have my doubts, lol) you will notice I skipped Trail Ride #2.  "Nattyator" - as he named himself for my blog - is still a friend.  Unfortunately I have no funny stories to tell on him.  Which may have something to do with why we are no longer 'we' :)  I can say our ride started with him sending me a friend request on facebook that pretty much said... 'Ralph told me to look you up so here I am'.  Yes, the effort was there from the beginning, lmao!

So, on to Trail Ride #3...
This will be brief, as was our encounter.  We met and started conversation via phone.  The conversations were great.  One night we spent over 6 hours on the phone.  We talked so long, I had to go outside and plug my phone in to keep talking.  We learned more about each other than I knew about either of my husbands (hmmm).  I did meet him once in person.  He came down and took me out to eat and we watched a movie.  We continued to talk for about a week.  One Tuesday night we were talking.  He said he had to go but would call me back in about an hour.  This was the last I ever heard from him.  Now you may think something horrible happened to him, as did I.  But I soon gave up my attempts to track him down in every obituary, hospital and police station between here and Kansas City.  A few months passed and I couldn't help but wonder how his uncle was.  His uncle had been taking chemo treatments so I had continued to pray for his health on a daily basis.  So, I shot a text message to TR3, not expecting a response.  Not a minute later he replied saying his uncle was doing much better... HOLY SHIT... he's ALIVE lol.  After a brief chit-chat my blood started to boil and I plainly asked him WTH happened to him.  His reply was he just didn't feel a connection between the two of us.  Fair enough I say.  Followed by a tactful response of letting him know a polite "no thanks" or even a "get bent" would have been better than the chicken shit move he pulled.  My peace was said and all was right with the world again!

"You know that little white speck on top of chicken shit, well that little white speck is chicken shit too"

Trail Ride #1

When plotting how I would entertain you with my dating adventures, I decided I needed a name for them.  During a night of comical text messages with my friends, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, the decision was made to call them my trail rides.  I came to the conclusion this would be the perfect name for two reasons:  to signify the path I am traveling and how lame my journey has been...as so many trail rides can be!  So, as Chris said, "saddle up and come ride the western trail with me."

Trail Ride #1 (TR1)
After 8 months, I went to a neighbors with my dad to drag calves.  I got to see and catch up with a lot of old friends from when I used to run with Dad on a daily basis.  Couldn't have asked for a better day, other than the 109 degree weather, the lack of 5 hands who didn't show up and the boss having a heat stroke mid-day.  One thing was missing and it was the usual company of TR1, who normally day-works this time of year.  When the day was over the boss gave the usual good-bye's, (he was upright again by this point) but pulled me aside.  Said it was great to have me back in the country and I should look up TR1 to catch up.  So, I jotted down his number on the back of my hand.  Mind you, at this point I am still living with my parents and my three children-privacy is a foreign language.  But the next day, the perfect opportunity arrived.  I was on the back side of a pasture clipping fence for my dad.  Civilization was beyond close.  So, I whipped out my phone (grand technology) and dialed away.  To my horror, he answers after the first ring.  Pretty sure I sucked all the air out of the atmosphere at this moment.  We talk and have a great conversation.  Many long conversations follow in the weeks to come.  Now comes the demise of TR1...

TR1 said he would call around 1pm on a Friday.  I wait and nothing.  I tried to call and text but no reply.  About 5 o'clock I jump on facebook and he's online.  So, I send him an instant message that says "hey".  Now comes the twist and the part that, to this day, I still shake my head at...

His reply: "in case you haven't notice, I don't want to talk to you"
Me: "wth?"
TR1: "why don't you go ask 'Ren' (remember this is victim #1)
Me: "what? wth does Ren have to do with this"

The rest of the messages are a little foggy to me because I was lost and trying to wrap my brain around what he had just said.  There was a phone call and a lot of cussing and questions and his justification for his actions with nothing ever getting accomplished.  But, here is what will put some of the pieces together for you...  Back in the summer of 2003, when I moved home to work with my dad after graduating from OSU, I started dating Ren.  About a week later, TR1 called me and asked to take me out on a date.  My reply to TR1 was that I was already seeing someone.  My damn morals!  During our conversations, present day, TR1 had mentioned the fact that he couldn't believe I had picked Ren.  I think his comment at the time was "really?... Ren, really? 

So, after 8 years, TR1 got his revenge and dumped me after I turned him down back in 2003.  Check mark one for the lame trail!

On a footnote, after some facebook deleting drama, TR1 and I are still friends.  One thing a cowgirl knows- there is no reason to destroy a 10+ year friendship over a mole hill!  Now he just has horse envy (hope he's not plotting his revenge for Bill).

Bill - the horse TR1 wants, but will never have

Convoy

I start with this story because it brings us to my current location, Fredonia, Kans.  After "Stimpy" got arrested for domestic violence, I packed over-night bags for myself and the kids and shagged ass to my folks' house.  After a few months, papers were still in process and I realized Stimpy was hanging on for dear life and dragging his size 13 shoes as hard as he could.  So, the bargaining began for me to acquire my things from "his" house.  I found myself in very little control of the situation.  Which, for a girl like me, is about as hard to swallow as a fresh turd that just fell in the barn.  Finally the demand was made... At 5pm on a Friday night I received a text message from Stimpy stating I could get my things between the hours of 8am and 11:30am the NEXT DAY!  You have got to be shitting me?  But, I had a date and a time so it was game on.  Now, I do have to give him credit.  It was good thinking on his part to give me short notice.  Shorter the notice, shorter the time allowed, less I will be able to get... right?  This man, for his entire being of knowing me, understimated every single thing I could accomplish.  THIS was no exception :)  A mass text message went out and at 8am Saturday morning the convoy arrived... 3 stock trailers, a two-horse trailer, a flatbed trailer, a suburban, 6 trucks, 2 cars and 20 friends!  The ENTIRE house was packed, loaded and pulling out at 11am... we had 30 minutes to spare, lmao.  Needless to say, many words were sent to me later from Stimpy... but I had a BIG grin on my face the whole time.

NEVER underestimate the power of a cowgirl and the kick-ass friends she keeps with her!



Part of the Convoy

Part of the Crew

My new neighbors walked over to introduce themselves, beer in hand, and I knew I was home!

Back in the day

Welcome!  After sharing some recent stories with a dear friend, I have been convinced to show my colors to the entire world via blogging.  I hope you enjoy my stories as much as I am enjoying living them.  Join the ride, but with caution :)

I will do my best to get you up to date on my life.  I may have to break it up into a couple of posts because it wasn't easy getting where I am now, lol!

1989

Bringing you up to speed in the tiniest nutshell you can imagine...

I was born on the Matador Ranch outside of Reese, Kans.  My dad worked there for over 10 years before breaking his neck on the main ranch in Matador, Texas and making the decision to move on from this outfit.  We then moved to Fall River, Kans. where my dad was the heifer manager of the Diamond R Ranch for another 10 years.  After graduating from Fredonia High School in 1999, I went on to Pratt Community College here in Kansas and then to Oklahoma State University where I graduated in 2003 with a B.S. in Agricultural Education.  You will come to find out I took the B.S. part seriously!  I moved home that summer and met victim #1... We'll call him "Ren".  We married October 22, 2004 and moved to an outfit in Hepler, Kans.  Separated in December, 2005 and divorced shortly after.  Entertainment from this encounter will follow in later posts... have no worries about that :)  Welcome victim #2... "Stimpy".  We married April 15, 2006, already pregnant with twin girls, Jacksen Irene and Masen Jo, who arrived October 26 that year.  16 months later, February 26, 2008, son Colter Ryan arrived.  We separated October, 2009.  Which brings us to date... The single cowgirl back on the prowl.  Have no fear, many stories will be told along the way to fill in the gaps above.  And, as you can imagine, if you think it sounds like a whirlwind already, you have no idea what a tornado the gaps turned out to be!  The focus, however, will be the complete insanity of my life with my three beautiful children and my failed attempts to re-enter the dating world... stay tuned!